


Seeking Solace

by Lady_Sci_Fi



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23280424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sci_Fi/pseuds/Lady_Sci_Fi
Summary: After the Doctor regenerates and leaves, Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart needs to talk to someone about it, and chooses Liz Shaw.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Seeking Solace

Alistair knocked on the door of Liz Shaw’s house in Cambridge. He’d already called ahead to ask her if he could, with the news that he had something important to tell her, and needed to in person. The past few days had been long days, and he was still… processing it.

He only had to wait a moment before the door opened, and Liz looked him over.

“You look different not in uniform,” she remarked.

“I do have off-duty days and clothes,” he replied with a raised brow at the teasing.

Liz smiled. “Come in. Need anything? Tea, coffee…?”

Alistair cleared his throat. “Just water, please, Miss Shaw.”

“When you’re not in uniform, don’t call me Miss Shaw,” Liz responded with a tiny affectionate smile.

“Right, sorry, force of habit, Liz.” He took the offered seat on the sofa, and awkwardly waited the moment for Liz to return from the kitchen.

As soon as she handed him a glass and sat down next to him, he stated, “He’s gone.”

“Gone? Who’s gone?”

“The Doctor.” Alistair’s tone was flat and he stared down at the water in his hand.

“Oh, he finally set off away from here in that Tardis of his?”

“No… I mean, yes, but there’s more than that.”

“He’ll be back, won’t he?”

“I expect so. He took Miss Smith with him, and my Chief Medical Officer went missing at the same time. At the very least, I expect him to return Lieutenant Sullivan soon.”

“Then… what’s the problem?”

Alistair swallowed heavily. “He changed.”

“Changed? Like you said he had before?”

Alistair nodded. “Saw it happen this time.” He grimaced as his voice broke with grief.

Liz caught both the sound and expression. “Alistair…?”

Alistair took a long drink of water.

“Alistair, what happened?” Liz watched as the man lowered the glass, and held it tightly between his hands. She thought he might unwittingly break it as he stared ahead.

“He died, Liz.”

“Died? What do you mean? You just said he changed and left.”

“It’s not… it’s not… simple.” He took a deep breath. “I… I watched him die.” He took another deep breath. “He had been missing for three weeks. He had to stop a threat on another planet. When he came back, he stumbled and fell out the Tardis door.” He fought to keep his voice even, but failed. “I-I did what I could to make him comfortable. Wasn’t very much I could do except put a cushion under his head and… and be there…”

Liz gently put her hand on Alistair’s trembling knee.

“Couldn’t even say anything to him as I watched him… fade away.”

“I’m… I’m sorry…” Liz closed her eyes for a moment, letting her own grief of the amazing man she had known wash over her. She cleared her throat. “Did he… did he say anything?”

Alistair nodded. “Miss Smith was there, too. She held his hand, and he said something about how he had needed to face his fears, and that was more important than living without doing so. Then, ‘where there’s life, there’s…’ And that… that was it. He was gone.”

Alistair set his glass down on the coffee table before he could accidently break it. “Then it wasn’t, because not long after, some other fellow appeared, another of the Doctor’s people, and he helped the Doctor change and wake up. Then he helped with the current crisis and left.”

Liz was quiet for a good long moment, until she sorted through her thoughts enough to quietly ask, “What’s he like, this new Doctor?”

“Infuriating.”

Liz couldn’t help the snorted laugh. “That’s hardly anything new.”

Alistair looked to her and shared a tiny smile. Then he sadly shook his head. “Infuriating in a different way. More… manic and eccentric.”

“Ah… I see.”

“So, for all intents and purposes, he’s not the man we knew. He’s gone, Liz.”

Again, they sat in quiet for a while. Then Liz got up and fetched two glasses of wine. When she returned, and handed Alistair one, she said, “Need something stronger than water. How are you holding up?” She quickly added, “Be honest. I’m sure you came to me for a reason.” She hoped he wouldn’t default to that stiff-upper-lip demeanor of his. She could see the struggle in him.

Alistair considered her for several seconds, then visibly deflated. “I miss him.”

Liz simply nodded, missing the Doctor she had known as well.

“Do you… do you know what I did? While he was recovering from the change, I was talking with Miss Smith. I went to the Tardis, and stared at the door.” He sighed deeply. “I was hoping that he’d come strolling out of it. So foolish, because he’d already come out…”

“You haven’t talked to anyone about this before me, have you?”

Alistair shook his head. “I mentioned that I missed the previous Doctor to Miss Smith, but not… not like this.” He took a sip of the wine. “There was a crisis to solve almost immediately after, and I didn’t think it… appropriate to discuss how I felt about it all with any of the men.”

“Not even Benton?”

Another shake of the head.

“So you came to me.”

“I also thought you should know. It didn’t seem the kind of news to relay over the phone to a friend.”

“Can’t be seen vulnerable in front of your men, I suppose.” Liz gave a tiny warm smile. “I’m glad you did come. For the courtesy, and for the company.”

“You’re the only one I can talk to, right now,” Alistair admitted quietly.

Liz nodded. After a long sip of her wine, she asked, “What are you going to do without him?”

“It isn’t like he hasn’t gone off on trips before. But this new one… he was restless to leave. Nearly did right away, and would’ve if Miss Smith hadn’t been able to convince him to stay. And then as soon as it was over, as soon as he could slip away, he did.” Alistair stared down at the red liquid in his glass, swirling it around absently. “I’m not certain what I’ll do without him, if he is as… aloof as he seemed. And even if he isn’t and wants to continue being our scientific advisor, the fact still remains that he’s not the same man.”

“No, he’s not,” Liz agreed. Alistair and the Doctor had their differences, of course, but there had always been an understanding between them, a bond that had made Alistair immediately trust him and made the Doctor stay at UNIT despite other options. A bond that had made them stick together through their disagreements.

“I want… I want my- our Doctor back. I know that’s selfish and perhaps inconsiderate of me, but I do.” Saying that aloud after days… it felt good. It didn’t do much to alleviate the grief in him, but it still felt good.

“No one would blame you for wanting that. Especially not after you saw him… die and change.”

“You don’t blame me, at the least?”

“No, Alistair. I’d feel similarly. It’s…” Liz tentatively took the man’s hand on his thigh and watched as their fingers laced together. “It’s difficult to lose someone you depend on and love.”

Alistair grimaced. Liz had put it into words. “Yes, that’s…” His voice drifted off.

“Alistair, come here.” Liz scooted sideways. She felt his body stiffen as she put her arm around his upper back. But he didn’t pull away. “It’s alright,” she encouraged.

It took Alistair several seconds to decide to give in, and laid his head on her shoulder. They shifted a little to be more comfortable.

He closed his eyes, feeling the tears finally beginning to fall. He’d been holding them back. But now, here with Liz like this, he couldn’t any longer. He had come here, to her, seeking solace, and had found it. They’d found it together.

Liz raised her glass in front of her, and when Alistair opened his eyes to see it, he followed suit. She said, “To the Doctor. Our Doctor.”

“To our Doctor,” Alistair repeated.


End file.
